Swimming with Lottifish

I’m still under the weather.  It feels as though I’ve been under the weather since Christmas.  Chris and I just pass it back and forth to eachother and it doesn’t help when my boss brings his daughter who is too sick to go to school into my office and sits her on the couch since he couldn’t find a babysitter.  Uh, thanks dude.

Anyhow, I’m sure I’ll be writing more once I feel better and to the rest of you who are in the same boat feel better soon!

Last night Chris and I were driving home and started talking about the future, where we’d live, and kids.  Neither of us are ready to have kids anytime soon but the idea of kids has been on my mind a lot lately.

I’m 25 and I’ve never really felt that maternal instinct to want children.  I’m still at that point in life when the screaming brats drive me crazy in a restaurant or on the plane.  I can’t imagine wiping someone else’s poo from their butt or holding their snotty tissue and this worries me.  My Mom always wanted to be a Mom.  She had me when she was 24 and was so happy even though it wasn’t planned.  Now I’m a year older than she was and I still have no urge to have one.

I know I have some time but there’s this part of me that wants to be very successful career-wise and do lots of travelling, etc. and then there’s this clock hanging above my head with the message that in 4.5 years (that seems so short!) it will start to get riskier for me to have a child.

I’ve had friends who said that at 26 or 28 they suddenly felt the urge to have kids but what if I don’t ever get there?  What if I just never feel that maternal instinct?  Or worse, what if I feel it after it’s too late?  If I do have children I’ve always pictured myself having either 2 or 7.  Nothing in between.  If I want 7 bud don’t start having them until I’m 33 then I’m in some major trouble.  I feel like I’m already behind.  Have any of you felt this way before?

Oh boy am I PISSED!  At this her job o’mine we have this “bonus” in place so that after 4 years of work for the company you start accruing an extra 1/2 day of vacation time a month.  Well, I start at my company in February 2004 so I should have started accruing the extra time right about…oh, now!

Well, turns out that because the department I originally started working for couldn’t get their act together in the beginning and paid me through a temp agency until they could get the paperwork taken care of to officially hire me my “official” start date isn’t until June 28, 2004 which in turn means that that extra 1/2 day…yeah, not happening until JULY.

I was counting on that extra time and I think it’s completely unfair that I’m losing time even though I was working the exact same position in February and July.  It’s not my fault that they couldn’t get their paperwork together.

I’m livid enough to scream right now.  (Chris think I should just do it.  Right here in my office.  Who would care?)   I’m sorry if it seems like this blog is just one big bitch-fest right now I just had to get this off my chest.

ARGH!  I feel like I’m going to explode!  Why is it that men can not take care of even one, ONE, little thing?

In my house I do the checkbook, I do the taxes, I do the cooking, I do the shopping, etc.  The only thing Chris is responsible for is  the car.  It is his responsibility to take it into the shop for check-ups and work.

About two months ago we had a really bad day of rain and horn has not worked right since.  I have reminded him several times a week since then that he needs to call the shop and take it in while it’s still under warranty.  We were close to being out of warranty and I constantly reminded him of this.  On Wednesday he finally made an appointment to take it in today.

He calls me this morning to tell me that it’s fixed.  And oh yeah, he guesses he put more miles on it recently than he thought and it’s out of warranty so it cost him $75 but not to worry because he took it out of his “stash of money.”  This “stash” of money is one that I put together for him so he can buy new computer parts, games, etc. so that we don’t have to spring for it out of pocket when the need arises.  By using it for the car because of his stupidity it only means that we’re going to be out that money at a later time.

How come he can not wrap his head around this?  Why is it that he couldn’t bring it in anytime in the last two months?  Why didn’t he pay attention to the odometor all these weeks that I’ve been reminding him?  And why, oh why is it that he can’t understand why I’m upset.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I thought it would make me feel better but honestly it just makes me madder.

Chris went to a conference last week in the field that he’d like to get a job in.  He was able to meet with some great people and we have high hopes that he’ll get called in for a few interviews but this waiting is agonizing.  It’s the type of field where competition is fierce and although Chris would be great at it and the work he’s done on his own in this field (could I be more cryptic?) is wonderful a lot of people want him to have industry experience.  It frustrates me that these people who were once starting out just like him are forgetting that to get industry experience, someone must have faith in you to give you a job in the industry.

A new job for him could mean wonderful things for us.  It could mean a move to an exciting new place, it could mean more money or less, it could mean he’d actually be happy again.  I know how crappy it is to have a sucky job and how it’s hard not to let it stress you out in your downtime but I can’t wait until the smiles come from him at home without being prompted.  It hurts me to see him being treated so badly at his current job and it’s taking every bit of strength I have to stay put rather than go to his office and kick some people in the shins.

Here’s hoping for the phone to ring…

Last night I had some girlfriends over for pizza and board games.  There were a couple friends that I know through Chris’s office (older and geekier) and a couple of friend that I know through my old job (closer to my age and wilder).  It’s starting to seem like everytime I get together with the friends  from my old job we’re drifting apart and I can’t seem to decide how I feel about that.

These friends are a couple of years older than me, single, and very into the dating scene which is fine.  I’ve gone out to the bars with them a few times but I’m just not at that place in my life where I enjoy shouting over loud music and getting ditched when my friend spots a hottie anymore.  So, I thought last night would be fun.  Something low-key where we could all chat and play silly board games.

Well, the night starts out by one of these friends bringing along another girl without asking.  Okay, fine, whatever.  The more the merrier.  Well, this girl is kind of crazy.  Obviously the low-key get together was a little too boring for her because she starts to talk about how we should have gotten her friend so-and-so to come over and strip and how she gets high.  (I don’t do drugs at all but I try not to hold it against my friends that do so long as they don’t do them around me).  At one point this girl gets up and goes into my kitchen and pours herself a tall glass of midori.  Umm…I had offered sodas but I had NOT offered my alcohol and she didn’t even ask.  Am I making this a bigger deal than it is?  Is it normal for strangers to just help themselves?

So, I was already a little peeved that this girl had come along but we were having a good time anyway.  Well, my friend decided that she wanted to go home and says “Okay, I’m breaking this party up.  I have to go home.”  Okay, it’s only 9:30 but we all have to work tomorrow so I understood.  However, as we’re all chatting and getting ready to part she starts getting really fidgetty and announces again that she wants to go…now.  I don’t know if she was just tired, wasn’t having any fun or what.  She’s a big drinker and I have a feeling that she wasn’t too keen on my soda and lemonade party.

I don’t know where to go with this.  Do I just socialize with these friends on their own terms now even though that’s not where I’m most comfortable?  Do I slowly let go of these friends?  I just feel like we’re in such different places in our lives.

My Husband leaves today for a conference and doesn’t come back until Friday. This is the first time this has happened and I’m a complete chicken when it comes to staying home alone.

My biggest fear is the dark and that’s why this week the tv will be on all night as will some lights (sorry Al Gore!). My fear of the dark is so bad that sometimes, if I hear a bump in the night, I’ll wake Chris up and make him do a “sweep” of the house with me. This consists of us both getting up, turning all the lights on, and searching all the rooms. And by searching the rooms I do mean search. We have to open all the bigger cabinets, look in the stove, the closets, the refrigerator. I guess I feel like anyone could be hiding somewhere ready to jump out at us. This usually involves me carrying around the closest weapon I could find which is more often than not my Miss Teen Ohio trophies. It’s quite the sight.

So I’m really not looking forward to these next few nights. I’ve already warned my friends that live on the floor below us that I might show up with my inflatable bed so they should be ready for a slumber party. Wish me luck!

Happy valentine’s Day and all that jazz.  I’m not a big Valentine’s Day fan or anything but apparently when I told my husband that we weren’t doing “anything big” for it this year he took it very literally and didn’t do anything.  Nada, zilch, zip.  A card would have been nice but I guess I’d better be more specific next time.

It’s okay, my husband showed me who he picked to be his Valentine last night.  He received his new speakers in the mail from Orb Audio (he got these for finishing my business website that I needed) and feel in love.  We had agreed that he wouldn’t set them up until after he came back from his confrence last week because he had a lot of work to get ready for it still.  However, after working for about an hour he couldn’t stand it anymore and just HAD to put the speakers and stands together.

So, 9pm we call his best friend to come and help.  It took them until 12:00 to set them all up (although admittedly I was no help.  I sat on the couch and read a magazine.  Oh, and I made labels for the wires.)   However,when they were finallydone and turned them on I was amazed.  I really didn’t think speakers could be so special but my how my thighs did quiver.  (Helloooo google searches!)  I guess the speakers could be both of our Valentine’s right?  I mean, he can shar.

Amanda over at Shamelessly Sassy is talking about her quirks this week so I thought I’d tell you about mine. I have a few.

1) I MUST kiss my stuffed animals (all four of them) goodnight every night before I go to bed or I can’t possibly sleep. I must say their names, tell them that I love them and then put them down. But now just down anywhere. They have to look comfortable. This is something my husband has had drilled into his brain. If they don’t look comfortable I have to re-arrange them or it bothers me all night. Then my bunny Fontelroy comes to sleep with me, tucked under my neck. I need him to sleep and I even took him on my honeymoon with me.

2) I’m very concerned with inanimate objects having “friends.”  For example, I dropped a piece of cereal down the drain by accident a while ago.  I was worried about it being lonely so I took another piece of cereal out of the box and threw it down there too so they would have each other to keep them company.

I think this type of behavior stems from something my Mother did with the best of intentions when I was younger.  When I didn’t feel like eating my peas, carrots, whatever she would get me to eat one and then tell me that the Mama pea missed her child so she had to be eaten too, etc.  This has since made me neurotic and if something falls on the floor and I have to throw it away, I must throw a “friend” away with it too.

I think I’ll leave it at those two quirks for now since I’m starting to realize how crazy this is going to seem to some of you.  Ummm…yeah…don’t call the nut house on me, k?

Yep, that’s right.  I love Al in that special way…that way that involves lots of frantic waving and jumping up and down, and wanting to make him happy.  And THAT my friends is why I’m writing a “green” post today.  Well, that and the fact that Sarcastic Mom has a great post about being Green up today, check it out.

Last Spring Chris and I invested in some re-usable grocery bags and I love them.  They were cheap, only like $1 or so and they make me feel proud evertime I use them.  My local supermarkets even give me a nickel for everyone I bring to the store with me.  *Thinking about how I can make some serious money off of this*  There’s really not a whole lot to say about why you should buy reusable grocery bags because I think it’s pretty obvious but can I suggest something?  When you do purchase these bags, purchase nondescript ones.  The people in Ralph’s give me the evil eye everytime I walk in with my Vons bags.

Chris and I have realized recently that we’ve been doing a lot of green things and then saying something like “I did it for Al!” or “Al would be proud!”  We know that what we’re doing is benefitting the Earth but for some reason it’s easier when we feel like we’re making him proud of us.  So, Al, good job!  You made your point to us and we’re trying.