Over the Hill

28 03 2008

My brother is having a birthday tomorrow.  I wish I could be there but I haven’t bee to one of his birthdays in eight years, we just live too far apart.  And for some reason this year he seems really old.  He’ll be turning 17.

I remember being 17.  (a long 8 years ago) and I can remember how mature I felt and I was sure I knew what was best for me.  Looking back now it seems such a short time ago.  If anyone had told me that I’d be dating the man I’d eventually marry in two short years I would have laughed in their face.  It’s crazy to me to think that he’s at this stage in his life.  I don’t know if it’s so hard for me because of the fact that I haven’t lived with him since was 9, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s going to be an adult soon and go of to college…on his own!  Oh. my. gosh.

The even stranger part about this birthday is that I am starting to feel like I promised I never would.  I don’t fully remember what it was like to be that age.  I don’t fully understand how he can behave a certain way and think it’s okay.  I don’t understand how he can feel like he knows what’s best.  When I was 17 I remember telling myself to take a good look around and remember what the age is like so I can always relate to my future children but already my memories are fading.

It’s sad and I’m feeling old.  I’m starting to feel like I should be an adult (although my heart’s just not in it).  The thoughts of little people (I believe their called children) are starting to pop into my head and I so desperately want a house of my own.  I even found myself saying the other day that I’d really feel successful when I owned my own washer and dryer.  Really?  Is that what my life has come to?

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