Mind Games

8 12 2008

About 8 months ago I visited my dermatologist to get the once over on all my spots, etc. (I was convinced to go after a Glamour article totally freaked me out of my mind and made me think I was going to die) Every time the dermatologist would tell me “Oh, this is a *insert some long medical term* my only question to him would be “Okay, but am I going to die?!”

I’m sure he thought I was pretty crazy but he finally stopped telling me about everything and just told me that I was fine and wasn’t going to die. However, I did have a small cyst on my upper back and he told me it was nothing to worry about but to let him know if it got bigger.

Well, it’s on my back so I don’t really look at it often but this weekend I noticed that it was definitely bigger. Last night I lost it. I totally freaked out. My mind started wandering and went from “what if the doctor was wrong” to “what if this is cancer” to “I’m going to die” to “there’s so much more I want to do in life” to “I’m going to miss my Husband so much!” I started bawling uncontrollably, going through a whole box of tissues. I know that this is crazy and I know that it’s probably still fine but I’m freaking out.

I called the doctor this morning and he had an opening for 2pm this afternoon so I’m going down there. I’m leaving town on Saturday though and won’t be back for a few weeks so I’m hoping that if they need to take it out they can do it today, right away, so I don’t have to dread coming back.

I’m a squeamish person and the thought of needles scares me silly. I just want this taken care of. Please send me good thoughts.

P.S. Sorry for the overuse of “totally freaked me out” but I’m not thinking straight today.

Update
I went to the derm and I’M NOT DYING! Yay! But I do have to go back on Jan. 28th for a small surgery to remove the cyst. Boo. Anybody have this done? How bad is it?

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3 responses

9 12 2008
mishathegoat

It’s funny how the mind wanders like that. I woulda been freakin’ out too.

15 12 2008
melissa

i would have been all over google and web md…just to make things worse for myself mentally. yeah…i’m a badass like that!!
i’m glad you’re ok though!! i would have been freaked out…and overusing freaked out…too.
yay for being ok!!

16 12 2008
cassie

Thanks for the wonderful SSS gifts! I loved them all!

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