RIP Grandma

12 05 2009

My last living Grandparent (and really the only one I knew) passed away this morning.  She was one month away from turning 93 so she lived a long and happy life.  She passed in her own apartment in an assisted living facilty while sleeping so she went peacefully.

But now I feel guilty.  Everyone, including my Mom (her daughter), keeps calling me to see if I’m okay and…I am.  It’s not a big surprise, she was going downhill for awhile but I feel bad because I have not shed a tear.  She wasn’t a particuraly happy person and I don’t have a lot of wonderful memories of her.  I wish things were different.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not glad or happy or anything like that, I just feel indifferent.  She’s probably much happier now where she is.

But I wish I could cry for my Mom.  I wish that it seemed outwardly that I am truly upset.  Will I be one of those people who never cries when it’s appropriate?  Will people think I’m cold-hearted?  I just can’t get the tears to fall.

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